MT Expert's Ten Top Tips: How to instantly connect with anyone

Friday, 09 July 2010

Whether you're at a meeting or a networking event, building relationships is key. Here's how

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MT Expert - IT: How to avoid an online traffic jam

It’s not what you know but who you know, or so the old adage goes. MT asked Leil Lowndes, author of How to Instantly Connect With Anyone, to give us her top ten tips on how to schmooze with the best:

1. Do a dress rehearsal
Never wear a new outfit to a business conference or job interview or anywhere you must look comfortable. Wear it around the house first to get comfy and confident in it. If you get it dirty, get it dry-cleaned.

2. Practise your handshake
When shaking hands with someone you’ve just met, do not press as if you are taking his pulse. But to create an instant connection with a new acquaintance ever-so-lightly place your forefinger on his wrist vein so he feels the warmth of your body flowing into his. Sliding your hand into his far enough to reach his pulse forces your webs to touch, another sign of a great handshake.

3. Present your business card with pride
When giving your card, take it out of an attractive carrying case gently and present it horizontally, with the script facing the recipient. Hold it just a bit higher than usual – not in his face – but at a height where he could almost read it in your hands. If you respect your work, others will, too. Also, when you take other people's, hold it with both hands and glance at it more than once. Put it away respectfully – not in your back pocket!

4. Come on slow and let it grow
People respect you more if you’re not so quick to jump into the conversation. People listen more carefully and take you more seriously than the first talkers in a conversation. Your earlier calm, confident silence becomes, retrospectively, impressive.

5. Don’t pat when you hug
When giving someone a hug, do not start patting his or her back. It reveals insecurity or dislike. Back patting commonly occurs when one of the huggers feels the embrace is lasting too long, signifying, ‘OK, time’s up. Let’s end this hug thing.’

6. Ditch the past tense
When you speak or write in the past tense, you weaken your point or question. It reeks of insecurity. For example: ‘I was hoping that you’d be free for dinner Friday night.’ You ‘were hoping’? No! Say: ‘I hope you will be . . .’ Or ‘I thought it would be a good idea to call the client this afternoon.’ No! Say: ‘I think it’s a good idea . . .’ Speak in the confident present and you strengthen your position.

7. Put memories in your messages
Take a diving expedition into previous messages from your intended recipients. Surface with some forgettable (to everybody but them) fact about their life – and refer to it. They think, wow, I must really be important to her. Look how she remembers the details of my life.

8. Make your point – despite interruptions
Sooner or later (and probably sooner), someone is going to interrupt you. So as not to sound as if you are persevering on the same idea, preface your point with different words the next time around. Your listeners will never guess you were going make your original point. Old wine in new bottles works every time.

9. Make your colleagues look good (and hopefully they'll do the same for you)
When you are introducing colleagues, be sure to put them in a great light by giving more than just their name. Say something wonderful about them. Bring up your colleagues’ favourite subjects so they can sound knowledgeable. Do this with no thought of reciprocity and watch your relationships deepen. However, if you have a no-holds-barred buddy and are both comfortable with an arrangement, agree to do the same for each other: ‘I’ll toot your horn. You toot mine.’

10. Make your ‘bye’ as big as your ‘hi’
Why are people so obsessed with their first impression but seldom their last? The next time you meet someone, make a note of how enthusiastic you sounded when you said hello. Then, when it comes time to say good-bye, boost your energy level up a tad higher. If appropriate, tell the person of your pleasure. A lively good-bye is like a warm kiss at the end of the evening. A lethargic, low-energy one sounds like a kiss-off.

How to Instantly Connect With Anyone by Leil Lowndes is published by Vermilion, £9.99. As usual, if you have anything to add, please do so below...