• Some people are born with oodles of charm and charisma but, fear not, these skills can be learned and honed by anyone. Here are 15 ways to up your personal appeal.

    Some people are born with oodles of charm and charisma but, fear not, these skills can be learned and honed by anyone. Here are 15 ways to up your personal appeal.

  • LEARN MATCHING AND MIRRORING:  This is an effective technique, which is taught by practitioners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Simply observe the other person's behaviour. Start to match their body language, tone of voice and volume level, the pace at which they speak, and even use the same vocabulary. Keep it subtle; you don't want them to notice or think you're poking fun. But once you get the hang of it, this technique helps you build a real and lasting rapport with others.

    LEARN MATCHING AND MIRRORING: This is an effective technique, which is taught by practitioners of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Simply observe the other person's behaviour. Start to match their body language, tone of voice and volume level, the pace at which they speak, and even use the same vocabulary. Keep it subtle; you don't want them to notice or think you're poking fun. But once you get the hang of it, this technique helps you build a real and lasting rapport with others.

  • BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF:  If you are happy and relaxed, people around you will pick up on that. If you're anxious and eager to please, that can be off-putting. Spend some time each day working on your self-esteem, rewarding yourself for accomplishments, and banishing self doubt.

    BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF: If you are happy and relaxed, people around you will pick up on that. If you're anxious and eager to please, that can be off-putting. Spend some time each day working on your self-esteem, rewarding yourself for accomplishments, and banishing self doubt.

  • GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION:  Put your phone down and concentrate when someone is speaking to you. Make it clear that you are giving them your full attention and are totally engaged. Listening, and showing you are interested in others, makes others feel good about themselves when they are around you. That will boost your charisma by a factor of 10.

    GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION: Put your phone down and concentrate when someone is speaking to you. Make it clear that you are giving them your full attention and are totally engaged. Listening, and showing you are interested in others, makes others feel good about themselves when they are around you. That will boost your charisma by a factor of 10.

  • NOTICE SMALL DETAILS:  Is someone a little quiet today? Have they changed their hair? Is a big work anniversary coming up? Tracking little details like these can really prove to others that you care. Make sure that you don't seem obsessed, however, a stalker is never charming.

    NOTICE SMALL DETAILS: Is someone a little quiet today? Have they changed their hair? Is a big work anniversary coming up? Tracking little details like these can really prove to others that you care. Make sure that you don't seem obsessed, however, a stalker is never charming.

  • DRESS WELL:  Work out what clothes and colours suit your shape and personality, and dress to impress. Charismatic people always look good, and show off their individuality through their sartorial choices.

    DRESS WELL: Work out what clothes and colours suit your shape and personality, and dress to impress. Charismatic people always look good, and show off their individuality through their sartorial choices.

  • AVOID ARROGANCE:  Charismatic people know when to show weakness, as that can draw people closer to them. This vulnerability includes being able to apologise if they hurt someone's feelings. They never go on and on about their exploits, and do not come across as egotistical.

    AVOID ARROGANCE: Charismatic people know when to show weakness, as that can draw people closer to them. This vulnerability includes being able to apologise if they hurt someone's feelings. They never go on and on about their exploits, and do not come across as egotistical.

  • LIVE A LIFE WITH PURPOSE:  Everyone admires people who have a mission, passion or purpose. That kind of drive is incredibly attractive. Work out what you are passionate about, and create your personal cause for others to rally round.

    LIVE A LIFE WITH PURPOSE: Everyone admires people who have a mission, passion or purpose. That kind of drive is incredibly attractive. Work out what you are passionate about, and create your personal cause for others to rally round.

  • START A CONVERSATION:  Charismatic people are never wallflowers. If you are at an event or networking do, have the confidence to go and talk to people.  If you struggle with shyness or you're an introvert, be honest about it, and admit that you find events like these a little tough. If your mind goes blank, remember the history/philosophy/metaphor rule. i.e.

    START A CONVERSATION: Charismatic people are never wallflowers. If you are at an event or networking do, have the confidence to go and talk to people. If you struggle with shyness or you're an introvert, be honest about it, and admit that you find events like these a little tough. If your mind goes blank, remember the history/philosophy/metaphor rule. i.e. "Last time I was at a networking event, x happened", or "Those who actually enjoy small talk at parties have terrible sex lives", or "Parties are the glue than keep society together."

  • GET COMFORTABLE WITH EYE CONTACT:  Too much is creepy, too little is shifty. Start to work on your eye contact. Hold people's gaze for just long enough to show you are engaged. A good way to know that you've connected for just long enough, is to notice their eye colour and eye shape. That's when you can break eye contact. .

    GET COMFORTABLE WITH EYE CONTACT: Too much is creepy, too little is shifty. Start to work on your eye contact. Hold people's gaze for just long enough to show you are engaged. A good way to know that you've connected for just long enough, is to notice their eye colour and eye shape. That's when you can break eye contact. .

  • PRAISE OTHERS:  Charismatic people give credit where it's due. Everyone around them feels valued and recognised, which creates a lasting bond. Take the time to namecheck people who have done something kind, smart, or interesting - it will go a long way.

    PRAISE OTHERS: Charismatic people give credit where it's due. Everyone around them feels valued and recognised, which creates a lasting bond. Take the time to namecheck people who have done something kind, smart, or interesting - it will go a long way.

  • USE BODY LANGUAGE:  Use your hands, and make your body movements expressive, No one who stands stiffly is interesting. People enjoy the company of those who have a wide vocabulary of expressive gestures, as this shows personality and charisma.

    USE BODY LANGUAGE: Use your hands, and make your body movements expressive, No one who stands stiffly is interesting. People enjoy the company of those who have a wide vocabulary of expressive gestures, as this shows personality and charisma.

  • DON'T FAKE IT:  Don't just try and give the impression you are listening, commit. People will notice if you are just nodding along without saying anything constructive. Similarly, if you claim to be committed to the environment and then yawn as soon as the topic of recycling comes up, you'll be caught out.

    DON'T FAKE IT: Don't just try and give the impression you are listening, commit. People will notice if you are just nodding along without saying anything constructive. Similarly, if you claim to be committed to the environment and then yawn as soon as the topic of recycling comes up, you'll be caught out.

  • SPEND TIME WITH CHARISMATIC PEOPLE:  Imagine that your personality is the sum total of the five people with whom you spend the majority of your time. Who would you choose to hang out with? Spend more time with people you admire. Pay attention to the qualities that make them charming and charismatic. These traits can be learned and adapted to suit your personality.

    SPEND TIME WITH CHARISMATIC PEOPLE: Imagine that your personality is the sum total of the five people with whom you spend the majority of your time. Who would you choose to hang out with? Spend more time with people you admire. Pay attention to the qualities that make them charming and charismatic. These traits can be learned and adapted to suit your personality.

  • NEVER USE SELECTIVE HEARING:  Demonstrate that everyone, regardless of their background or status, is worthy of your time. Too many people focus all their attention on being liked by the people they want to impress, and actively ignore those they deem beneath them. But this attitude will only end up alienating everyone.

    NEVER USE SELECTIVE HEARING: Demonstrate that everyone, regardless of their background or status, is worthy of your time. Too many people focus all their attention on being liked by the people they want to impress, and actively ignore those they deem beneath them. But this attitude will only end up alienating everyone.

  • DON'T USE YOUR CHARISMA FOR EVIL:  Charisma is a tool used by sociopaths and manipulative people to bend others to their will. Keep in mind that you are cultivating charisma to build happier and more productive relationships with other people. Charisma is just a tool, it is up to you know you use it in the world.

    DON'T USE YOUR CHARISMA FOR EVIL: Charisma is a tool used by sociopaths and manipulative people to bend others to their will. Keep in mind that you are cultivating charisma to build happier and more productive relationships with other people. Charisma is just a tool, it is up to you know you use it in the world.

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15 ways to build personal charisma and charm others

by Rebecca Burn-Callander
Last Updated: 23 Mar 2018

Images: Shutterstock

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