1. ‘Big Phil’ Scolari
Credit: Wikimedia Commons
Well, isn’t this a happy coincidence. Someone else who may be looking for a new job soon is Don Corleone lookalike and Brazil manager Phil ‘Big Phil’ Scolari (despite his vows not to quit). After presiding over the humiliation of losing 7-1 to Germany, a career in football could be out of the question now. MT’s advice would be to give Dragon’s Den a go instead - he may not be able to conquer the Germans, but Scolari’s fiery temper could get the show’s dwindling ratings rising again.
2. Victoria Beckham
Posh Spice-turned-tycoon Victoria Beckham is exactly what Dragon’s Den is lacking. She would be perfect at brushing off the show’s dusty image with bang-on-trend fashion and beauty tips (the Daily Mail, known of course for its accuracy, claimed earlier this week Beckham uses ‘electromagnetically-neutral gold’ to keep her face in shape. The mind boggles). Alternatively, if Beckham wants to keep her pampering secrets under wraps, there’s always the option of a collaboration with fellow Dragon designer Kelly Hoppen.
3. Michael Acton Smith
Credit: Harry Metcalfe
Did anyone say Dragons? One man quite familiar with made-up monsters already is Michael Acton Smith, an entrepreneur who some would say is eccentric but would bring a creative spark to the flagging show. Acton Smith founded Moshi Monsters, the company that lets children adopt and play with online beasties (and, of course, fritter away their pocket money). As he recently announced he's stepping aside as CEO of the website's parent company Mind Candy, he'll have some extra time on his hands.
4. George Osborne
Credit: Wikimedia Commons
George likes being a bit risky with money, especially when it comes to housing. We’re not talking about flipping second homes either. No, the chancellor is responsible for the Help To Buy scheme, which has been singled out by many as one of the drivers of the current, potentially unsustainable housing boom. Perhaps he would like to take up Help To Invest next?
5. Justin Welby
Justin Welby would have no problem uttering the catchphrase ‘for that reason I’m out’. The Archbishop of Canterbury has been trying to extract the Church of England from its embarrassing indirect investment in payday lender Wonga for, like, ever, after railing against its ‘immoral’ interest rates. He finally succeeded today. While sermons are as likely to bring in faithful viewers as churchgoers, a rendition of the Hallelujah chorus when Welby makes an investment in the Den could do miracles for the show’s falling ratings.