'Everyone who ordered this food is now angrier'

This New York investment banker was really upset about his/her 'rare roast beef' sandwich.

by Rachel Savage
Last Updated: 23 Jan 2014

Strike up a symphony on the world’s tiniest violin - a Manhattan investment banker ordered a $16 (£9.70) rare roast beef sandwich on multigrain bread from Seamless, a website where you order food from local restaurants, and what did he get?

‘A 5" x 5" *grilled* roast beef *panini* on *white bread* - 0/3 - not rare, not multigrain, and not a sandwich.’ Simply unacceptable.

The review, which doesn’t seem to have made it through Seamless’ review filter, but was emailed around Wall Street and obtained by Business Insider, is the epitome of an upper-middle-class-first-world problem. Witness.

‘I was somewhat excited when I saw a restaurant that served a "Rare Roast Beef" multigrain bread sandwich - an oft-forgotten delectable way to prepare roast beef in a sandwich, and for $16 I was expecting top notch. Little did I know what was to come.’ Sounds like the Earl of Grantham has migrated to Manhattan – not entirely implausible nowadays.

Reader, it gets worse for this tortured soul. ‘My colleague ordered a burger (a simple burger) "medium well"… His burger came inedibly rare. Literally, this meat was so rare you would need a master ball to catch it. Needless to say he didn't eat it for fear of succumbing to microbial pathogens.

Describing the experience as ‘insanely idiotic’ and the food ‘incompetently misrepresented and overpriced’, the irate reviewer concludes with a (slightly melodramatic) religious invocation: ‘May God have mercy on your soul.’

It’s a review to rival the complaint letter written to Sir Richard Branson about Virgin’s plane food, which features such nuggets as: ‘Luckily there was a small cookie provided… It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast.’

Wittily-worded, ‘tis true. However, everyone knows plane food is karma’s way of slapping us down for daring to pollute the planet, whereas not all of us are fortunate enough to have such high standards when it comes to a beef sarnie.

Those having read @GSElevator’s plutocratic, prejudiced overheards won’t be surprised at this outraged outpouring. (‘My tie collection is worth more than your car.’ Anyone? Anyone at all?) However, the anonymous anger does redeem itself somewhat with a sprinkling of reality: ‘Who charges sixteen dollars for a sandwich anyways?’

Find this article useful?

Get more great articles like this in your inbox every lunchtime