George W Bush: If I had to start again..

... I'd deploy my skills on the baseball diamond. As a kid in Texas, I never dreamed of being President. I wanted to be the Giants' centre-fielder Willie Mays. And I know now I have the clarity of vision for pro ball.

by
Last Updated: 31 Aug 2010

I followed my dad to Yale, and majored in history. I served my country in the National Guard, and took an MBA at Harvard. But I soon got my shot at baseball. In 1989 I arranged for a syndicate to buy the Texas Rangers from one of my dad's friends. I had a $600k stake. We sold to Tom Hicks in 1998 and, in answer to my prayers, I got $15m.

In 2000, after my first taste of the oil trade and six years as Governor of Texas, I was nominated President of the United States. Thanks again to brother Jeb. I spent eight years in the Oval Office and led America into a period of great uncertainty.

Oftentimes, I was misunderestimated. In 2001, I stood on a pile of rubble and promised to defeat America's enemies. Launching the War on Terror, I made the world secure again. In 2003, I brought an end to Saddam Hussein's tyranny. The most dangerous man in the world, got justice; Iraq got democracy; and brave America got four more years.

There were other tests. In August 2005, New Orleans was struck by Hurricane Katrina. A week later I put down my golf clubs and went to share their pain. Osama bin Laden, Al-Qaida and the Taliban remain an ever-present threat. With God behind us, we will plough ever-greater resources into our military-industrial complex to fight them. As for the economy: this thaw took a while to thaw. It will take a while to unthaw.

I have a painting in the Oval Office, of the sun shining on a Texas mountain. That painting will soon be coming down, but the sun will continue to shine. Yes, we face evildoers and terrorists, but American children have the freedom to learn, grow, and play baseball. I can go back to Texas, mission accomplished.

As imagined by Dave Waller. George Bush is stepping down as US President in January.

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