I followed my dad to Yale, and majored in history. I served my country in the National Guard, and took an MBA at Harvard. But I soon got my shot at baseball. In 1989 I arranged for a syndicate to buy the Texas Rangers from one of my dad's friends. I had a $600k stake. We sold to Tom Hicks in 1998 and, in answer to my prayers, I got $15m.
In 2000, after my first taste of the oil trade and six years as Governor of Texas, I was nominated President of the United States. Thanks again to brother Jeb. I spent eight years in the Oval Office and led America into a period of great uncertainty.
Oftentimes, I was misunderestimated. In 2001, I stood on a pile of rubble and promised to defeat America's enemies. Launching the War on Terror, I made the world secure again. In 2003, I brought an end to Saddam Hussein's tyranny. The most dangerous man in the world, got justice; Iraq got democracy; and brave America got four more years.