The government has appointed executive coach L Vaughan Spencer to head up OfMo, the new Office of Motivation, in a drive to reignite the flagging verve of the working population.
The appointment of Vaughan Spencer as Motivational Tsar follows that of Sir Alan Steer, the man who announced his arrival as Behavioural Tsar last year by saying that consistency ‘is not a dull word, it's actually extremely exciting, incredibly sexy'. If that doesn't put lead in your professional pencil (and we'd be surprised if it did), it's hoped OfMo will have the answer: Spencer will be touring public and private organisations, making sure workplaces are fully compliant with the EU's new ‘loan-to-moan' ratios. Or, in Vaughan Spencer's words, that they are fully ‘motivitalised'.
In a parallel initiative, the Office for National Statistics has today agreed to launch a new statutory metric, the Endogenous Motivation Quotient (EMQX), which will be published monthly. The government has set a target of maintaining a national EMQX rating of between 7 and 7.5 on a rolling basis. If the EMQX rises or falls more than one point above or below that range, Spencer will be required to write a letter to Lord Mandelson to provide an explanation for the variance.
The government has also expressed plans to extend OfMo's remit beyond the workplace to the nation's schools and universities, aiming to extinguish the malaise that many associate with the ‘me' generation to prepare graduates for careers as team players. A leaked draft of OfMo's university poster states: ‘Yes there's an ‘I' in motivation - there are in fact two. Use them to see how your talent can help the nation.'
We can't help questioning the timing of Spencer's appointment: surely if anyone's suffering a lack of focus or a drop in their drive, the state of the economy should provide enough of a boost. ‘OfMo is yet another unnecessary quango,' says MT's editor Gwyther. ‘We've had dealings with this fellow Vaughan Spencer, the self-styled "warrior of Watford", before. I've always had my doubts about his faith in tribal drumming, shamanism and 720-degree feedback.'