Anthony Stokes, a footballer with Premiership side Sunderland, has been barred from his favourite night-spot – described as ‘the liveliest club in Sunderland’, for what that’s worth – to make sure he lives up to his burgeoning reputation.
It follows a quip from manager Roy Keane after Stokes scored a last-minute winning goal against Derby on Saturday. When asked what would prevent the 19-year old from fulfilling his huge potential, Keano suggested that ‘the obvious pitfall is the Glass Spider in Sunderland’.
Inconsolable at the thought of undermining their beloved team – and presumably, with an unerring eye for some free publicity – the management of the Glass Spider have now decided to show Stokes the red card. ‘As great Sunderland supporters we obviously want to see them do well and if Roy Keane thinks The Glass Spider is a distraction, then we have decided to bar Anthony until the football season ends so he can concentrate on his game’, the owners told the Sunderland Echo.
But just in case you’re worried about where Stokes is going to find his Cristal and Page 3 stunnas should Sunderland scrape through the relegation battle this season, fear not. ‘At the end of the season if he comes back we'll treat him to a huge bottle of champagne and a night in the VIP area at our expense,’ the Glass Spider said proudly.
We’re betting that the owners can’t believe their luck. They’ve suddenly become the most famous club in the North-East, all thanks to a 19-year-old that most people outside Sunderland have probably never heard of. Plus they get to give something back to the local community.
If we were Roy Keane, we’d be asking for a marketing retainer. Though he might need more than that to save Sunderland from relegation this season…