The AUC – which according to the legendary diplomats in Ryanair’s press office actually stands for 'Aimless, Useless, Clueless' – has apparently published its latest report on baggage delays in the aviation industry. And much to the chagrin of Ryanair, it has singularly failed to mention that the Irish low-cost carrier actually has the best record in the industry when it comes to baggage handling (in punctuality, mislaid bags and completion rates, according to Ryanair).
It claims that the AUC has based its findings on a report by the AEA - which is generally accepted to stand for ‘The Association of European Airlines’ but according to Ryanair actually stands for ‘The European high fare airline association’ (on the grounds that Ryanair and Easyjet aren’t in it). And since these figures don’t include ‘the UK’s two largest airlines’, it says, they’re entirely pointless.
Or at least, that’s what we surmised from today’s typically moderate Ryanair statement: ‘If the AUC was not so absolutely useless and clueless, it would include the UK’s largest airlines in its so called report... The AUC has proved once again that it has no relevance for British airline users.’
As you’d expect, Ryanair also took the opportunity to put the boot into its rivals. It whole-heartedly endorsed the report’s main finding – that BA is the worst offender for losing baggage (BA passengers are more than 40 times more likely to have their bags lost than on Ryanair, it claims – although perhaps 40 times more likely to sit on the seat they want). And it’s certainly not trying to claim solidarity with Easyjet – in boasting of its own figure, it was quick to point out that its rival (along with Aer Lingus) refuses to publish stats on baggage loss.
In other words, it’s a fairly standard Ryanair press release: an apparent attempt to offend the maximum number of organisations in the shortest possible time. Its legal department must be the hardest-working team in the aviation industry...